Lymphoma-sodes: "Toto, I don't think we're in Minnesota anymore."

05.11.2010

And it is off to the races again tonight! I leave this evening with Ruth (my mom) and my uncle Jeff for Omaha, Nebraska to see a Lymphoma specialist by the name of Dr. James Armitage. I have been told he is the best in the business and I'm praying that the Lord is going to bestow the knowledge and wisdom on to him to intercede on my behalf. I'm sure he will recommend a donor stem cell transplant but we will soon find out. It's been such a whirlwind of activity these past two weeks.

I'm feeling good yet; no signs I'm sick other then the PET Scan I had a few weeks back letting us know the Big C had not been killed dead. I had a fabulous weekend with my cousins, Brady and Mason, as well as with my other little nieces and nephews (my best friends' kiddos). I don't know what it is, maybe their innocence of being untouched by the world because they are so young, but I find peace and normalcy when I am with them. Maybe its because I'm the one doing the taking care of things rather then people taking care of me. I don't really care what it is but I feel normal when I'm witht hem. There isn't constant talk of cancer or the "oh-you-look-so-good-though" statements. I just get to be Kristin.

I'm hoping we'll be home by the weekend, armed with information with a decision finalized by Monday. This next round will be a challenge but I rely heavily on my faith in the Lord that he will continue to see me through it. I'm nervous and scared. I'm realistic yet optimistic. I'm a bundle of emotion but I'm working through it.

So until next time (which will be soon with an update of what the plan is...)

Much Love,
Kristin

Lymphoma-sodes: Kristin in Cancerland: The Next Adventure

As I sit here on flight #3987 en route home from my adventures at the Cancer Treatment Center of America in Zion, Illinois I'm feeling joy, gratefulness, most important NORMALCY (amidst the waves of nausea from motion sickness thanks to the wonderful world of turbulence). I wasn't given any news I didn't already know; donor stem cell transplant for round three was their reccommendation. We've got one last second opinion happening next week in Omaha, but as I sit here listening to my Ipod randomly shuffle between Weezer, Pete Yorn (be still my heart), Ryan Adams, and the other three thousand plus songs loaded onto it I am relishing how I am feeling; like an iguana basking in the warm afternoon sun.

Don't be deceived; I still have my fleeting moments where I'm scared to the point that I'd gladly crawl out if my own skin but not tonight.

My adventure in Zion was in a word: Ehhhhh. As I've already stated they didn't tell me anything I didn't already hear from the U or Mayo. Where they were absolutely FABULOUS (which reminds me- man do I miss that show) is in their patient care. You name it, they'll get it accomplished for you. What I loved most about CTCA is that Im not alone. Everywhere I looked I realized just how many people are affected by this awful disease but as awful as this sounds it felt good to know I wasn't alone.

I am learning that life with the Big C doesn't mean it's over. I rode to the airport with a 56 year old man with stage four melanoma. While he was very polite, I couldn't help but notice that in his voice the hope was gone, which saddened me. There is always hope: period.

Now, I am not a Saturday-morning-born-again-Jevoah-Witness-Baptist-Protestant-reformed-Catholic-knocking-at-your-door-converter-of-the-lost-flock if you know what I mean. I am proud of the fact that I am a Christian and even prouder of my relationship with our Lord and I am 110% all about encouraging people to find their own personal relationship with the Lord but I'm definitely not one to push my beliefs onto others. When I heard this gentleman speak I couldn't help but be reminded how temporary this world is for us. As humans we are flawed sinners and we are so caught up in the grieving of our loved ones and/or fearing the unknown we forget to remember that our death in this world should be a celebration of our life here and more importantly of our return home where we truly belong; with our Father in Heaven. I will pray for my car riding companion tonight that he find his hope again.

I will also enjoy tonight and my weekend before checking back into Cancerland next week this time via Omaha, Nebraska with a vist with a Dr. James Armitage who has come highly reccommended. I pray the Lord will intercede on my behalf and heal my body but one day at a time for now; but all filled with hope.

Until next time....
Much Love-
Kristin

Lymphoma-sodes: Round Three

Yep you read that right: round three. In a nutshell my time in hell, otherwise known as the autologous stem cell transplant I did back in September 2009 failed. Saddam (the name of my second tumor) is dead however his cousin (whose name is yet to be determined) has sprouted due north, just above my sternum.

I write to you today from beautiful, sunny Zion, Illinois where I'm being seen for my second, second opinion at The Cancer Treatment Center of America. The first second opinion was last Friday at the University of Minnesota, with a third happening next week in Nebraska.

Once again my life has been tossed into a whirlwind. I asked my doc at Mayo if I was terminal after I was told my options were few. Her answer, "Well, we are all terminal to some extent.". Ok you tell me; what the hell does that mean? And thus the search began for second opinions.

I have thought and rethought about the many things to write about here, especially since the Big C has once again decided to remain a big pain in my ass. The thing is I could tell you how grim my future looks and I could also piss, bitch, and moan about how unfair this is but I refuse to go down that road. I won't lie; it's been a rough couple of weeks but I'll be damned if I will allow Cancer to invade my body AND my life. As far as I'm concerned there is always hope. Without hope you have nothing and nothing is something I don't have.

I'm learning a plethera of lessons about life as I enter round three the first being that I could never thank the Lord enough for giving me the family and friends I have. If love could kill Cancer mine would be dead a million times over.

So with that said I'm now taking suggestions for names of my new tumor (be creative here folks) as I gear up for the next round of fighting. My only request is that when you see me, please remember I'm still the same Kristin I've always been and I'm ALIVE and no need to worry because the Big C isn't contagious. I'm full of life yet and I'll be damned if I'm going down without a fight! Until my next post....much love!

Kristin