06.04.2010
Where does the time go? And why do we always say that? I mean honestly, it's as though when you turn 30 there is a switch that is flipped in our brains and we start saying things only our parents said. I thought that only happened when you had kids, so you can empathize with how bothersome that is to me considering the fact that I do not have children. Seriously, I love my mother to bits and pieces but I have absolutely no desire to be her. None. Zilch. Zip. Nada. I am my own person damn it! Oh wait, this is an update, so here we go. Again. This last month has been yet another whirlwind. I've made many attempts at putting up a new post; even adding the application onto my Iphone (which can I just say is NOT the most user friendly application on my phone, which tells you why I haven't had any recent updates until now).
So as I left off, it was Omaha or bust. Dr. Armitage was beyond anything I could have hoped for. he is a man that will forever be dear to my heart because he has done something for me that no other doctor up until we met had done: he gave me my hope back. And when you're fighting for your life hope is all you got baby.
Rewind.
Dr. Armitage, unlike my former doctor, explained things thoroughly. He was very realistic but always optimistic. He let me know that although Hodgkin's Disease is 90% curable, there is no guarantee that I would ever have been a part of that 90% thus the statistic is misleading. Now I could go on and on about how great he is, but I wouldn't want your eyes to gloss over. He is a man that has been able to get me back on track, continuing my fight. With his guidance I went back to Mayo and am now seeing a doctor just as wonderful as him by the name of Dr. Habermann, who has also restored my faith in doctors. What is fantastic is that we have options folks! Can I just say I love having options? Dr. Armitage put it simply that in my situation there are two extremes: 1. Do nothing; accept that I have cancer and let nature take its course and basically wait to die and 2. Fight with all of my might even it costs me my life in the process. Now here is where I thank God that not everything is black and white. Like life, I'm working with a lot of gray area which in my case includes chemotherapy and clinical trials, which brings us to our plan of attack.
I am now officially a part of a clinical study at Mother Mayo. Everyday I take two small pills, when put side by side are smaller then the memory card for my digital camera. These two little pills are actual chemotherapy otherwise known as an oral chemotherapy agent. Now Dr. Habberman has given me great hope, however he is realistic yet optimistic. The name of the drug is Everolimus. Basically, I take the drug everyday (for an indefinite amount of time at this point) and these two wonderful little pills kill my cancer. Sounds too good to be true doesn't it? I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't nervous but we find out in 8 weeks if they're doing their job. Dr. Habermann has assured me he's got folks on this med that it has put them into remission but he is also very quick to bring me back to reality as there are no guarantees in life. So for now I just hope and pray to the good Lord above that these little pills do what I need them to. The best part is I get to keep my hair! I know right? I can hardly stand it myself! I have a secret to confess; that is one reason why I really want these pills to work. I'll get to keep my hair and live like a normal person. I love, love, LOVE normal. I've been on my medication now for a week and so far I've had little to no side effects. So its understandable why I'm being served up a healthy dose of skepticism.
You always think your life will end when you're told you have cancer and I'm here to tell you it doesn't. Life goes on and guess what? It's wonderful. I don't know how much time I have left, hopefully this drug does what its suppose to and I have twenty or thirty more years, but for the first time in nearly two years I feel like the little black rain cloud that has been stalking my life has lifted and I'm free of its burden. No longer do I dread going in for scans or seeing my doctors. I'm realistic about my situation but I'm also optimistic. Never forget that; you can always be realistic about any situation but no matter how bad you can always be optimistic because like I said before without hope you have nothing.
The summer has just begun and there are adventures at the Farmer's Markets, Twins games, days at the pool, and an abundance of other activities I can't wait to dive into head first.
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