Lymphoma-sodes: Standing Up to Cancer

09.22.2010

I can not believe it is nearly October. What happened to summer? Was there a memo from Mother Nature that I missed that we weren't easing back into this cold stuff? Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining, fall is actually my favorite season of the year, however when it is sprung upon me in the way it has been this year I've got to say it leaves me a bit shell shocked. I admit it; I miss the pool. I had an awful moment this week while I was getting ready for the day. As I was in the shower it dawned on me that it was only going to get colder from here on out. I love the beauty of winter it's the cold that I dislike so much. Enough of the weather (I sound like a newscast that shall remain nameless in southeastern Minnesota that relies on the weather to be their "top" story).

So here we are once again. I had my routine check up to refill my prescription yesterday. I'm going to put this out there. I absolutely love my doc. Dr. Habermann is this man who just oozes wisdom and tact. He is a man a part of a lost profession; a doctor from a time that saw patients as people with families and friends and a life they don't want to give up. I had to confess to him that although I absolutely adore him, every time I see him or even have to go to the tenth floor of the Gonda building all I want to do is run to the bathroom and vomit or let my body do what it needs to in order to cope with the horrific anxiety you have about any and all test results. His reply will give you an inkling as to why I think so highly of this man. His response to me is, "Kristin, quite frankly if you didn't have that reaction is when I would be concerned."

Yesterday was my routine blood draw to check my numbers and refill my wonder pills. My counts were good so I get to keep my reality until at least October 14th, when I'll have my next round of CT scans with results the same day. CT scans are worse then any other test because in my mind they can end everything I've come to appreciate that is around me and took for granted prior to my original diagnosis. It is hard to not let your mind get the best of you and even harder to talk yourself down from the anxiety demon that has taken up residence in the logical part of your brain. That is where the Lord comes into my life. It seems like I'm asking so much of him daily, but I keep asking. And thus far he keeps listening because my blood works comes back good and I feel great. Don't get me wrong; I'm not able to run on very little sleep like I use to be able to but as long as I've had a good nights sleep I'm pretty good to go.

So far things are good; I'm keeping those prayers just a rollin' and if you pray or meditate I ask you not only keep me in those actions but all those others this horrific disease has made itself known to. This month is Cancer awareness month (or maybe October, I can't remember anymore thanks to chemo brain, which is alive and thriving for me and to say it is frustrating is an understatement). It is my hope that one day soon we figure out not just what will cure the Big C in my body but the many others that affect millions out there.